Q&A: My Grandfather Molested Me. Do I Need To Tell My Family?

Q&A with Dr. Allender | freesexpod.com | Free Sex Podcast #christianmarriage #christiansex #healingfromsexualabuse

Q: From age four to fourteen, I was molested by my grandfather.

Only three people know about this and none of them are my family. I have also struggled with porn and masturbation ever since it stopped. I don't want to tell my family about it because I don't want them to have a negative image of my grandfather. I don't want them to carry a burden they don't have to, and I don't want them to struggle with forgiving him. My mom took a long time to forgive him for the way he treated my grandma and her sister, so I don't want to bring her that pain again. Is it okay to keep this from them and only tell a few people? Can I still heal without involving them?

Answer from Dr. Dan Allender:

I think the answer is unquestionably, yes. Of course you can heal. But, what does healing bring you to? Freedom. And freedom is not the freedom to do whatever you want, it's the freedom, not from, primarily, but the freedom for living out the gospel. Which doesn't demand that you expose this perpetrator to your family, but my question would be, why are you bearing the burden of other peoples' lives? Why are you bearing the responsibility of keeping this wicked man, at least, if not, evil man. . .Why you are keeping his reputation "good"?

I'm not looking for revenge, I'm not looking for you to be bound to attack. Don't let people bear the responsibility of how you will live before others, and ultimately before God. So, that would be my press back, to say; if there's a growing freedom, it's the freedom not to bear his reputation nor the responsibility of others to have to face what it means to live in a fallen world.

Certain politicians lie every single time they do a debate. I love the fact that we have fact checkers; who are saying "This was not true. . . this was not true. . ." Now in our era, facts are not terribly important, truth is not that important, just your impression and your desire (politically) is, seemingly, all that's most important. But the truth matters, because it says the truth will set you free.

The last thing I would say to that is, do you actually think a man like that was able to hide the nature of his ferocious evil? You're helping people live in a lie by not telling them more truth. The assumption is, the freer our hearts are, the wiser we become about whom we share with, what we share, but ultimately, what we share is for the sake of inviting people into reality and ultimately into the goodness of God. 

This Q&A was pulled from the episode below with Dr. Dan Allender. You can find out more about healing from sexual abuse, and his most recent book, "Healing The Wounded Heart", at The Allender Center.