I Took His Virginity

We had sex before we got married. Actually, I took my husband’s virginity. I was promiscuous as a teenager, and not only did my husband lose his virginity to me, he also got the gift of a desperate young girl with daddy issues. Fast forward ten years, and we’ve both put in hard work — for me. He has supported me and walked with me through sexual redemption groups, counseling and been my person and advocate. I don’t have shame and guilt stemming from my past, I am free, Jesus redeemed me, I’m a Jesus girl and seen as pure by God. But what about my husband?

Last year, he came home one day with tears in his eyes. His heart was heavy. Ten years after we first had sex, he realized that he had been carrying around the guilt and shame from having sex with me. He had lived 20 years abstaining from sex, doing things right, listening to the sex education from the conservative culture — don’t have sex, you’re going to get a girl pregnant or get a disease. As soon as you lose your virginity, its gone — and that means that you failed.

My heart broke for my husband who carried around this burden of feeling like a failure. We perform and try our best to be “good” and “pure,” yet what we don’t realize is that Jesus is the one that makes us pure, not abstaining from sin.

So my dear friends, I share this with you so that you would know that you are loved. You are not defined by your sin, or your failures. You are defined by God’s love for you, so don’t believe for a second that He doesn’t want you because of your shortcomings. 

God restores, so praise Him when he does. He promises to “restore to you the years that the swarming locusts has eaten,” (Joel 2:25)

This week’s episode, Katie and Candice sit down with their good friend, Chloe, and have a real conversation about guilt and shame from premarital sex, masturbating, initiating sex, and why we think some pastors are preaching bullshit.

Show notes:

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