#83 I Got Divorced: Emotional Affair, Intimacy and Fetish

Our guest today was a leader at our church, leading community and redemption groups -- but ended up getting a divorce. We get the details on why and what led up to the separation and how the church responded.

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What kind of birth control should Christians use?
Find out information about birth control options, as well as be non-hormonal options. www.freesexpod.com | Free Sex Podcast - A Christian sex podcast

The birth control debate between churches and denominations shouldn't stand in the way of women being able to receive the information they are looking for. Whether you land on the side of "no birth control" or "hormonal birth control", there are a couple key points that can help you get started on finding the right method for you.

Birth control vs. conception control

If you believe that life happens at "conception," meaning the moment when the sperm meets the egg -- you'll want to stick with barrier methods and possibly progesterone only birth control, so if the sperm happens to meet the egg, the union has a chance to grow into a fetus.

Some possible barrier methods include:

  • condoms
  • diaphragms
  • female condom

I don't want to put hormones in my body

There are many women who are not at ease with taking hormonal birth control. Our recommendation is to read a lot of information and talk to your doctor. Don't feel forced to take hormonal birth control if you don't feel good about it. 

Look into these options if you don't want to put hormones in your body:

  • copper IUD
  • condoms
  • pull out method
  • natural family planning
  • permanent surgical methods (tubal ligation)

For more information about birth control, listen to this episode. 

Show notes:

 

Q&A: My Grandfather Molested Me. Do I Need To Tell My Family?
Q&A with Dr. Allender | freesexpod.com | Free Sex Podcast #christianmarriage #christiansex #healingfromsexualabuse

Q: From age four to fourteen, I was molested by my grandfather.

Only three people know about this and none of them are my family. I have also struggled with porn and masturbation ever since it stopped. I don't want to tell my family about it because I don't want them to have a negative image of my grandfather. I don't want them to carry a burden they don't have to, and I don't want them to struggle with forgiving him. My mom took a long time to forgive him for the way he treated my grandma and her sister, so I don't want to bring her that pain again. Is it okay to keep this from them and only tell a few people? Can I still heal without involving them?

Answer from Dr. Dan Allender:

I think the answer is unquestionably, yes. Of course you can heal. But, what does healing bring you to? Freedom. And freedom is not the freedom to do whatever you want, it's the freedom, not from, primarily, but the freedom for living out the gospel. Which doesn't demand that you expose this perpetrator to your family, but my question would be, why are you bearing the burden of other peoples' lives? Why are you bearing the responsibility of keeping this wicked man, at least, if not, evil man. . .Why you are keeping his reputation "good"?

I'm not looking for revenge, I'm not looking for you to be bound to attack. Don't let people bear the responsibility of how you will live before others, and ultimately before God. So, that would be my press back, to say; if there's a growing freedom, it's the freedom not to bear his reputation nor the responsibility of others to have to face what it means to live in a fallen world.

Certain politicians lie every single time they do a debate. I love the fact that we have fact checkers; who are saying "This was not true. . . this was not true. . ." Now in our era, facts are not terribly important, truth is not that important, just your impression and your desire (politically) is, seemingly, all that's most important. But the truth matters, because it says the truth will set you free.

The last thing I would say to that is, do you actually think a man like that was able to hide the nature of his ferocious evil? You're helping people live in a lie by not telling them more truth. The assumption is, the freer our hearts are, the wiser we become about whom we share with, what we share, but ultimately, what we share is for the sake of inviting people into reality and ultimately into the goodness of God. 

This Q&A was pulled from the episode below with Dr. Dan Allender. You can find out more about healing from sexual abuse, and his most recent book, "Healing The Wounded Heart", at The Allender Center.

How To Pick A Butt Plug
How to pick a beginner's butt plug | Free Sex Podcast

Anal play might not seem taboo to you, but if it’s uncharted territory, it probably sounds a little scary. “Will it hurt? Is it healthy? Dear God, will it fit?!” are all questions that may have ran through your head. Amongst these angsty questions, curiosity still sits and some decide to give the back door a try.

We’ve had a couple questions about butt plugs and where to start. Here’s what we learned about picking out your first one.

Start small and work up

You will not have success jumping into anal play with a big toy. You might get it in, but you won’t like it. Starting small and gradually working up to bigger toys will help acclimate your body to having something in a hole that is usually. . . well, empty. For beginners, who are brand new to anal play, may we suggest starting with a pinky finger. Once you’re ready for a little more girth, start thinking about a small anal plug and gradually move up to a bigger one - we suggest the “Doc Johnson” line.

Material

Rubber, silicone, plastic, glass, metal and even wood are used to make toys. Silicone is soft, has give and is a less aggressive choice than glass or metal (wood just scares me). We suggest starting with a softer silicone toy if this is your first plug.

What’s your shape?

Oh, the shapes! There are so many. Many are smooth, some have ridges, some are bumpy or have a couple bulbs for extra sensation during penetration and exit. If you are a man, you’ll want something long enough and slightly curved to directly stimulate the prostate. (I’ve heard that the Aneros Helix does fantastic job.) If you are a woman, get something that you are comfortable with. Some women like starting off with a small, smooth and short plug, when others prefer something a little longer or textured.

Anal/prostate play can be a fun addition to the bedroom, but easily a turn off if your first experience isn’t fun or just uncomfortable. Like everything else, talk to each other about what you are comfortable with before starting. This week, we answer some listener questions with Mr. Big and Daddy Magic and talk butt plugs, erotica, low libido, and purity shaming.

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